


Holding Back the Years

by SolidHawk



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I felt like if anyone would understand Jess's pain and anger it would be Bishop, Jess and Bishop have tragic backstories that aren't too far off from one another
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 12:12:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15606015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolidHawk/pseuds/SolidHawk
Summary: Deputy Bishop knows how grief works - the more you bottle it up, the bigger the eventual eruption is. Jess Black is tough, but even the toughest need to know they always have others looking out for them.





	Holding Back the Years

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little preface: this can be considered canon-compliant with the game, but it also fits into my other work "Breathe". It is absolutely not necessary to have read or to read "Breathe" but much of Bishop's own backstory is defined there as opposed to here, so if you're curious for the full story, by all means feel free to read about it there. Otherwise, just enjoy!

Several days had passed since meeting Jess Black. Deputy Bishop had arrived in the Whitetail Mountains for the first time and followed Dutch’s instructions to start things off at the Baron Lumber Mill where his niece was being held captive. It had surprised her to know Dutch had any family left in the county; she had (shamefully) come across a note left for him by his son after first waking up in his bunker and knew that he was no longer allowed contact with either him or his grandson.

Upon finding Jess, however, it was apparent of their relation – Bishop could have probably figured it out without ever having been told. She was dark and sullen and got straight to the point, not bothering with pleasantries or bullshit. Bishop couldn’t bring herself to be bothered by such an attitude – she respected it so much in Dutch, why wouldn’t she think the same of Jess? And then she had witnessed her behind the string of her bow…and Bishop knew that she would be forever grateful that Jess was on her side, not the Project’s.

Still, she watched her diligently as they navigated the mountains together over the next few days. Jess grew steadily more and more wound up with time and Bishop knew eventually it would come to a head. Sharky had been sent packing some time ago; it didn’t take too long to realize he was pressing Jess’s buttons more than she needed and Bishop had urged him to go off and visit his cousin Hurk. That left just her, Boomer, and Jess together as they picked their way through Jacob’s region, searching for cult property to destroy and captured civilians to rescue.

Traveling with Jess had proved to be a complete turnabout from her time spent with Sharky: stealth actually _worked!_ Between the two of them and Boomer, they were all but shadows in the night, traipsing undetected through checkpoints and outposts alike. Jess worked just about as quietly as she forced herself to be; it didn’t take Bishop long to understand she was being standoffish out of necessity and she gave her the space she needed. They were strangers, after all, and not everyone was as comfortable detailing their life story as Sharky Boshaw was.

Still, things were coming to a boiling point and Bishop could turn a blind eye towards it for only so much longer…

It came sooner rather than later - and rather unexpectedly. They had been pursuing a squad of “hunters” (as Jess had called them) and tailed them up a rail line for several miles before Jess had hurriedly informed Bishop they were heading for some civilian homes that lined the nearby lake. Picking up the pace, they’d split up for a two prong attack: Jess hanging left and Bishop heading right with Boomer.

There were 5 of them plus a Judge; Bishop shuddered at the sight of the unnatural animal but lined it up in the scope of her sniper rifle. She murmured a command to Boomer and he silently made his way to the rear of the group, stalking the oblivious straggler. Sparing Jess a glance in the copse of trees across the way, she saw her drawing her bow and aiming an arrow for the archer of the group. Their eyes met and they exchanged small nods; Bishop took in a breath and held and aimed for the wolf’s heart before pulling the trigger.

The Judge keeled over soundlessly, the crack of her shot the only noise breaking the stillness of the air. Jess’s arrow had loosed and caught the Peggie archer through the eye, sending him sprawling to the ground just as Boomer lunged and took the loner in the back by surprise, his screams silenced by his throat being torn open.

The remaining three all were reduced to blind panic, the unfolding pandemonium too swift for them to adapt to. Despite herself, Bishop couldn’t help but smile savagely at the sight.

 _Oh, Jacob – if only you could see all the good your “training” has done for them,_ she thought with satisfaction.

Before they had a chance to rally and regroup, she was already lining up another shot. An arrow took out the man next to her target, sending him spinning to look for Jess’s location; Bishop’s bullet clipped him in the shoulder instead of through his head, sending him falling to the ground with a cry of anguish. Cursing to herself, she shouldered her rifle and grabbed her assault rifle lying in the dirt beside her before charging into the fray.

Boomer ran to her side, chops dripping with fresh blood; together they rushed the last standing Peggie, looking around wildly for his attackers. He caught sight of Bishop at fifteen paces and turned to raise his shotgun just as she fired her rifle into his chest. Staggered, he was able to remaining standing for only another second before dropping over dead, body falling beside the Peggie still squirming on the ground clutching his ruined shoulder.

Bishop let her rifle fall to her side, holding it in one hand as she reached for her pistol with the other. She approached the man slowly, taking in his desperate attempts to crawl away with distaste; the moment he reached for his Glock, however, she was no longer intent on giving him a clean, quick death.

A dark blur rushed past her, startling her and drawing her gaze away. She hadn’t even stopped to check on where Jess had ended up – only now did she take notice when she was charging the downed man and kicking his gun away before falling on top of him, knife plunging deep into his chest. Bishop watched through wide eyes, a bit shocked by the brutal display, before reining herself in; she had done much worse in the heat of the moment and couldn’t judge anyone else on their battle tactics.

Still, she watched Jess stagger to her feet - looking almost unbalanced – and felt a knot of worry form in the pit of her stomach.

“Jess?” she called cautiously.

In all likelihood, she probably never even heard her; Bishop wouldn’t ever know for certain. Not a moment later, Jess was mercilessly kicking the corpse at her feet.  Boomer yelped in alarm and ran to hide behind Bishop, who had frozen up at the uncharacteristic display of emotion. She recovered easily, however, and watched silently through sympathetic eyes as Jess quickly became undone.

Kick after kick landed upon the body; with each blow came a louder and angrier sounding shout from Jess’s lips, her rage making almost animalistic. When she finally pulled back, she was shaking with ill-contained fury, her breathing rapid and shallow. The bow in her hand was clenched tightly, almost to the point where Bishop worried for its safety, before it was javelined recklessly into the copse of trees Jess had just been using as cover. Her hands fumbled with the quiver on her back for a moment before she had it unslung and swung it in an arch over her head. Arrows fell like rain, scattering in all different directions as the quiver hit the ground and slid several feet away.

The final scream of rage that tore from the huntress’s throat was raw and close to devolving into tears. She dropped unceremoniously to the earth beneath her, heaving ragged breaths as she sat and gripped handfuls of grass in either of her fists.

Bishop let her attempt to decompress for several minutes, standing as silent and motionless as a sentry holding vigil. When she felt enough time had passed, she finally turned her eyes on Jess and observed the hollow expression on her face and felt the silence needed to be broken.

“I’ve got good news and bad news for you,” she said simply.

Jess didn’t speak or move; when it became apparent she wasn’t going to try and cut her off, Bishop proceeded.

“Bad news is that the pain never goes away. Not fully. You’ll carry it with you the rest of your life.”

Hesitating for a moment, she watched Jess’s reaction – or lack thereof. The huntress was more than likely numb to the world around her, a feeling Bishop knew only all too well; she had a feeling, however, that her next choice of words might snap her out of it.

“Good news is…it gets easier.”

She correctly anticipated the scorching glare Jess directed her way; Bishop held her stare without flinching.

“I know that’s probably not what you want to hear right now, but it’s the truth. Time does help.”

The look in Jess’s eyes was one of utter outrage and scorn; Bishop expected no less and prepared herself for the oncoming storm.

“What do you know?” Jess snapped nastily. “You think you know how I feel?”

A tight, sad smile forced its way onto her lips as she returned her stare evenly.

“…I understand the pain you’re enduring,” she answered simply.

“Oh really?” Jess demanded aggressively, back on her feet and looking ready to throw down. “Fucking spare me – you don’t know jackshit! How could you possibly know?!”

Bishop stared at her a minute, taking in the rage and anguish in her eyes; she wasn’t fazed by her hostility in the least, having seen it far too many times staring back at her in her own reflection.

“When I was 11, my parents were both murdered,” she offered up, trying to put strength into her voice.

Jess’s eyes widened instantly, the anger whisked away in place of shock; Bishop forced herself to look elsewhere in order to continue.

“We were all coming out of the store together and a man with a grudge came up and opened fire on us.”

She kept her eyes forward, not allowing herself to focus on Jess’s reaction; she knew if she did, she’d become too overwhelmed to continue. There was nothing she hated more than being forced to relive that particular moment in time…but Jess needed to hear it. Willing strength into her heart, she pressed on.

“My mother died instantly…but my father…he died in my arms. I got to hold him as he bled out right there in the street…had to listen to him draw his last breath…”

Her throat had constricted and she took a moment to swallow around the lump that had formed. Jess’s gaze was heavy upon her but she couldn’t bring herself to return her stare; instead, she focused her gaze on the craggy rocks adjacent from their position.

“For the longest time, I wondered if I wasn’t just put there to watch,” she admitted painfully. “I couldn’t do a damn thing, try as I might…one minute he was there…the next, he was just…gone…”

Her bottom lip had begun to quiver before she even knew it and she forced it between her teeth to hold it steady. An uncomfortable silence had settled between them but Bishop couldn’t bring herself to break it – not right away, at least. She took a minute to rein herself in, forcing down the whirlwind of emotions churning around in her chest and focusing on her breathing. Only when she felt she was back in control of herself did she try and speak again.

“The point of this story is…while no one will ever know exactly the kind of pain you’re feeling, there are those who understand it.”

Finally forcing her gaze back on Jess, she locked eyes and held.

“I’m just one of them. There are others out there too…you’re not alone, Jess.”

Jess could only hold her gaze for a moment before hastily turning away, staring at the ground harshly. Bishop turned her eyes to the sky and let the huntress think over everything she had just said; for her part, the deputy concentrated on the familiar hollow ache that came from forcing down all her emotions so suddenly and silently – and futilely – willed it away.

“It’s just…”

Blinking in surprise, Bishop turned back to look at Jess; she was clearly trying to come up with something more to say, even as she continued to avoid looking at her.

“I don’t…I’m grateful that you put The Cook down,” she said finally, struggling with the words. “But I can’t help but wonder…if I’d been the one to do it…would it have been better if I’d just done it myself…?”

Bishop refrained from answering instantly, breathing in and out for several heartbeats before speaking.

“No. I don’t think it would have…”

_I know it wouldn’t have…_

“He stole something from you – something you can never get back. Taking his life wouldn’t have changed that.”

Jess turned her gaze on her; she looked hesitant, as if unsure if she should voice her thoughts.

“Did…is he still alive? The man who…?”

Bishop made sure to force her gaze elsewhere, lest Jess think the sudden coldness in her eyes was directed at her.

“No. He got what he deserved eventually…”

She set her teeth and tried not to let herself go down _that_ path again; it took such strength of will to force the hate and anger from her eyes as she turned to deliver her next words to Jess.

“But his death didn’t bring me closure. In the end…I was left feeling hollow. And still so angry…”

Her hands tightened around the rifle in her hands, metal creaking quietly in her grip; taking a steadying breath, she took a moment to think carefully over her next choice of words.

“That anger can destroy you if you let it…I’m still figuring out how to handle it myself,” she told her. “As shit as it sounds, you just gotta endure.”

Jess looked crestfallen as she took in everything she was hearing, eyes pained as she stared at Bishop; for once, Bishop couldn’t bring herself to return the gesture, still too wrapped up in her own pain and anger.

“How do you do that?” Jess asked finally, voice sounding small.

Bishop merely shrugged weakly.

“Put that anger to good use. Help people, fight the cult. And when it gets to be too much, find a quiet place where no one else can see you and just cry or scream it out.”

_Voice of experience talking here…_

Tiredly, she forced herself to look back at Jess.

“Then you pick yourself back up and repeat the cycle.”

Silence fell back between them; this time, however, Bishop didn’t feel the need to fill it. She had nothing more to say, nothing else to offer. Her own emotions had been drained in such a short span of time – she could only imagine how Jess was feeling and knew not to expect any more conversation for some time.

“I…”

Startled, Bishop looked up at the sound of Jess’s voice. She still stood several feet away, staring listlessly at the tall grass swaying in the afternoon breeze.

“Thanks,” she finally offered up weakly.

Merely giving a nod she knew Jess couldn’t see, Bishop looked down at the assault rifle in her hands and considered it thoughtfully, giving herself something else to do other than contemplate the uncomfortable silence that had once again fallen between them.

“You don’t seem the hugging type…,” she said awkwardly after a moment. “Fortunately, I’m not really either.”

Scuffing her boot into the dirt, she considered her next words carefully before looking back at Jess out of the corner of her eye.

“But if you ever need someone to talk to…or a shoulder to lean on…I’m always here for you.”

Jess made a gesture that was almost a nod but didn’t fully commit, her head merely jerking slightly instead. They stood in silence another moment before Bishop looked to the arrows scattered all through the dirt and grass and stepped forward to start collecting them one at a time. Clearly shamed, Jess recovered her quiver slowly and avoided making eye contact as she accepted the arrows from the deputy’s hands. She set about slipping them back in one at a time as Bishop made her way over to the discarded bow and grasped it, lifting it up to examine.

She’d never been trained in archery – all the hunting she’d ever done had been with a rifle. It took exceptional skill and strength and she knew that Jess had plenty of both. Weighing the bow in her hand a moment longer, she finally turned and proffered it up to its owner; Jess was still looking anywhere but at her and silently accepted the weapon back, turning it over gingerly in her hands to inspect for damage.

There was only one thing Bishop could think to follow up with that could destroy the tension that had built between them and felt her mouth quirking upwards in the making of a smile as she stared pointedly at the side of Jess’s head.

“Now…let’s find some more Peggies to fuck up, shall we?”

She watched as Jess looked back up at her and saw the fire relight in her eyes; Bishop couldn’t have asked for more.

* * *

 

Things had changed between Jess and Bishop following The Talk. It had been gradual to start: Jess offering more offhand comments and idle talk as they travelled between locations, their long treks no longer silent as the grave. With time, it progressed even further to small jokes and teasing; Bishop would never forget the look on Sharky’s face upon his return to their party when Jess loudly proclaimed he smelled of weed before turning and winking in her direction. She could only stand with a stunned smile, barely listening to Sharky stammering out some outrageous white lies to account for his pungent aroma.

Bishop knew deep down that her methods of coping were not healthy in the least…but they seemed to be helpful to Jess. The huntress seemed to have taken her words to heart, reinvigorated in her fight against the cult. Whether it was renewed sense of purpose or drive, Bishop couldn’t say; all she knew for certain was that Jess had a new spark within her that was almost infectious. When she started screaming taunts at the Peggies she was sending scattering from her onslaught of arrows, it was hard for Bishop not to go charging into the fray with a yell and a smile, sharing in the delight of a good fight.

Jess was riding out a delirious high for now…but Bishop knew all too well that eventually a low would follow. In the huntress’s quieter moments, the deputy kept one eye on her to see if she needed to send the others in their party away to give her needed space. Oddly enough, whenever Bishop tried to remove herself from the equation, it seemed like Jess was suddenly attached to her hip, keeping close and in sight.

It was just the two of them and Boomer once more as they skirted the shores of Wishbone Lake. Hurk and Sharky had been traipsing with them for a time before being urged to retreat to Fort Drubman to take their boisterous partying away from Jess’s steadily decreasing patience for them; still, Bishop felt like she could still hear the distant sounds of explosions and hollering from the south and couldn’t help but shake her head at their inescapable presence.

It was a fairly bright night even at the base of the mountains, the nearly full moon shining overhead amongst the stars like a soft lamp onto the earth below. The waters of the lake were calm and sparkling, as shiny and reflective as a mirror’s surface. Bishop had stared for some time, lost in memory of a camping trip long ago at Georgetown Lake and felt herself consumed by wistful nostalgia. She made mention of it to Jess and started detailing the first rainbow trout she had caught on her own and how proud her father had been; Jess even cracked a small smile as Bishop reminisced on her father tripping and dropping his camera in the water in his haste to get a good picture of her catch.

Smiling to herself, Bishop had turned her gaze back out at the overlooking view of the Whitetail region below them. There were several soft lights dotting the forest a handful of miles out - most likely homes of whatever civilians or Resistance members had managed to dig in and hold out against Jacob’s army. Not for the first time, Bishop felt a flash of respect for the enduring strength of the natives of Hope County and how they continued to try and go about their lives despite the madness unfolding around them.

There was a sudden pressure on her shoulder blade. Blinking in surprise, Bishop turned slowly to glance back and see Jess pressing her face into the back of her shirt. After a few moments, she started feeling moisture seeping through the fabric and sticking to her skin. Humbled, Bishop forced herself to look back ahead and remain silent, heart rending as she heard Jess’s quiet, shaking breaths.

They remained that way for some time, the only sound between them Jess’s occasional sniffle and the crickets chorusing noisily through the surrounding field. Bishop could only stare up at the stars winking down from the cloudless night sky and wonder what kind of world could be so cruel while looking so indescribably beautiful.

“Couple weeks back, when I first met Sharky,” she spoke up finally. “We were running around the Henbane, looking for Bliss shipments to intercept, and we come across this Peggie roadblock.”

Jess remained silent and Bishop didn’t know if she should quit while she was ahead and just shut her mouth; her brain had other plans and forced her to keep talking.

“Three guys, nothing special – took them all out fairly quickly. Sharky’s trying to showboat and is doing some stupid little dance…”

Bishop could only grin to herself at the image of it seared into her brain and tried not to let herself start laughing too early.

“He’s standing there dancing and all of a sudden, this giant turkey comes from out of nowhere and just decides to go to town on him – why him, I don’t know. Maybe cause he was making so much fucking noise.”

She did laugh then, finding it hard to continue speaking.

“Sharky lets out the most high-pitched scream I think I’ve ever heard in my life – starts flipping shit and trying to run from this 100 pound turkey just pecking and scratching every inch of him it can get ahold of.”

Jess had started to shake against her and Bishop could only smile through her own laughter at the feeling.

“I was too stunned to do anything for a minute but I finally think to shoot it. By then, it’s knocked Sharky flat on his face and he manages to split both his pants and his underwear when he falls.”

The loud snort that came out of Jess then had Bishop dying with laughter, temporarily derailing the story as they both almost keeled over in their mirth. It took ages for them to calm down, both coughing for breath when they did.

“We had to walk miles back to his trailer to get him new clothes and he had to waddle the whole way there, trying to cover himself up with his hands. He looked like some fucked up turtle shuffling along,” Bishop said with a grin.

“Fucking idiot,” Jess finally spoke up, voice echoing a smile Bishop couldn’t see.

“Yeah, he’s hopeless,” Bishop said fondly, feeling a pang of longing for his presence.

They sat in companionable silence for a time afterwards, each lost in their own thoughts. Jess’s hand hesitantly placed on her other shoulder; Bishop could feel the huntress’s fingers trembling with indecision as she made the gesture, just a few seconds away from thinking better of the decision and pulling away. Slowly, the deputy brought her own hand up to place gently on top of hers, feeling the warmth of her skin contrast with coolness of Jess’s.

Merely swiping her thumb across the back of her knuckles, Bishop felt Jess’s fingertips clasp around her shoulder a bit tighter and couldn’t help the flash of warmth that ignited in her chest in response. Her eyes glanced back out over the sprawling expanse of the Whitetails before them and felt a wave of contentment wash over her. The fight may be far from done…but suddenly she didn’t feel quite so alone in it anymore. And she had the distinct feeling her companion was experiencing the same revelation.

Bishop’s eyes trained in one a particularly bright light just across the lake and watched its bobbing path with interest. A hard smile curled the corner of her lips up as she whispered to Jess to get her attention.

“I spy with my little eye…a Peggie hunting party being dumb and obvious.”

She felt Jess lift her head to stare out and quickly catch sight of the same flashlight glaring out harshly through the dark trees. Bishop turned to stare at Jess over her shoulder.

“Feel like taking ‘em to task?”

There was no mistaking the brightening of Jess’s eyes, even in the darkness. A smile had formed on her face too and Bishop couldn’t help but delight in the sight, realizing suddenly how beautiful the gesture was on Jess.

“Deputy, it would be a genuine fucking pleasure.”

* * *

 

 

 

"Holding back the years  
Thinking of the fear I've had so long  
When somebody hears  
Listen to the fear that's gone  
Strangled by the wishes of pater  
Hoping for the arms of mater  
Get to me the sooner or later  
  
Holding back the years  
Chance for me to escape from all I've known  
Holding back the tears  
Cause nothing here has grown  
I've wasted all my tears  
Wasted all those years  
And nothing had the chance to be good  
Nothing ever could yeah  
  
I'll keep holding on  
I'll keep holding on  
I'll keep holding on  
I'll keep holding on  
So tight"  
  
  
_Holding Back the Years, Simply Red_

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it! I've had this idea brewing in my head for quite some time, since I made Bishop's backstory and then realized what had happened to Jess's parents - it occurred to me that they would probably get along really well, despite having fairly different personalities.  
> Anyway, I wanted to give Jess the chance to grieve and manage her emotions properly - she's tough as nails but that poor girl needs to have more than just killing Peggies as an outlet for it. I figured if she was gonna be okay with letting anyone witness her decompress, it'd be my girl Anna <3  
> Thanks for reading! <3 <3 <3


End file.
